Alright, I need to start making a schedule of posting themes, else I’m bound to fall into that oh-so-normal blog posting regimen where I post only every couple of weeks. So, without further ado, I present to you…
(goddammit why cant i make my text any bigger)
So, to be succinct, from now on — every Thursday will be dedicated to games. Good and bad. Things I’ve played recently, or years ago. From any console or system. Some cross-platform, cross-temporal reviews, previews and any other kind of views your supple little minds can imagine.
Let’s start with something I got in the mail today, and literally could not shove it back into a grungy, stinking mail-slot any faster.
Oh, how I wish I could delete the couple of trophies I got from this thing — wait… maybe I can. I’ll look into it later.
Let me start by giving the game credit for its best qualities. It is definitely pretty. Even in the initial missions, you get a very good sense of scale of how much damage the G-Virus outbreak has caused. The character design is solid in a visual sense (a little same-y, maybe — but they’re supposed to be an elite task force supplied by a common command.) While I personally didn’t play very far through the game, I have heard that a number of Resident Evil veterans make appearances — I was especially excited to see HUNK, who essentially plays the pointman of the introductory mission.
Sadly, the game’s visual appeal is about the place where everything grinds to a halt. The AI is, depending on whether it’s your opponents or squadmates, laughable or infuriating — respectively. Dumb zombies make sense; When you’re armed from the get-go with with fully-automatic weapons (not to mention 3 people with similar loadouts), they’re nothing more than fodder. However, stupid BOW’s kill the sense of urgency or real threat. Furthermore, the AI for the rest of the squad is just plain bad. I can’t count the number of times one of my squadmates closed in on a doorway full of enemies, then decided to go Ryu Hayabusa on the incoming mob with their combat knife, getting completely annihilated, getting infected, dying, then coming right back out after me only to catch a shotgun shell between the eyes and, after the battle was over, being revived at zero cost. The characters themselves are obligatorily one-dimensional and mysterious, as you might expect Umbrella operatives to be.
The score to the game was just… not right. The best music is in the start menu, and even that I had a hard time listening to.
Maybe I was just expecting a survival-horror title and got a third-person shooter with horror flavor, but personally I feel this game missed the mark within the Resident Evil franchise. It just felt like a feeble grab at the boom of action-y/adventure-y/shooter-y/RPG-y titles that have appeared this season.
Now that THAT’s over, let’s talk about a game that’s been eating a lot of my time this week.
BURRITO BISON REVENGE (PC, FLASH)
To be fair, this is a basic catapult-ing flash game. You play as Burrito Bison, who as far as I can tell is a luchador that got his wallet knicked by gummy bears. The solution? Follow those fuckers into Candyland and raise some hell, obviously.
The upgrades you acquire throughout the game (faster speed, less slowdown for hitting the ground, more money earned, etc) are tangible — you can tell every time you’ve made an upgrade. The story missions are repetitive, yes, but as you improve your abilities you get closer and closer to the finish. Once the story mode has been completed, Survival mode unlocks — Survival mode being what ever other catapult flash game is; Endless.
It’s a very simple game, with a very simple story presented right at the beginning — after that, it’s just squashing gummy bears and making money doing it. Despite that, it is immensely entertaining with a lot of replay value. You can find it and other awesome flash games at Kongregate.